Friday, September 30, 2011

Dalam hati..

Dalam hati
bisikan itu datang lagi
perit menanggung sendiri
ah~jalan mujahadah ini
berterusan hingga mati..
andai gagal bangkitlah kembali
tagihlah keampunan Ilahi

Dalam hati
sakit itu masih berbaki
ubatilah dengan mengingati Ilahi
bahawa kematian itu pasti
bekalan pula tiada apa lagi
resah itu bertandang lagi
moga ia menjadi penguat hati

Dalam hati
bagai ada duri
entah bagaimana untuk menariknya kembali
agar luka di hati
sembuh kembali
hanya doa dipanjatkan kepada Ilahi
hanya Dia yang memberi
kesembuhan hakiki..

Dalam hati
hanya DIA yang Maha Mengetahui..



Bila Muslimah itu menegur ^_^

Tips 5 S..

Senyum..

Salam teguran.. 'Assalamu'alaikum' @ 'Hai..' (buat non-Muslim)

Soal sesuatu.. seperti: Apa khabar? Sihat? Nak ke mana ni ye? ..

Sentuhan.. (untuk yang sama jantina ye) Salam tangan atau tepuk bahu..

Sopan-santun..

Tips 5 S..

Senyum itu sedekah.. Em, cuma jangan senyum 'kambing' (walaupun kambing tak bersalah dalam hal ini) hehe yang penting jangan senyum mengejek..

Dakwah dan komunikasi

 Begitulah ketika kita ingin menegur, amar ma'ruf nahi munkar.. Buat yang Muslim atau yang bukan Muslim (mereka juga manusia yang kita sayangi)..

Contoh: Tiba-tiba kita terpandang gadis muda yang cantik jelita, bertudung litup, cuma sayang berpakaian sendat, dan kainnya pula terbelah. Alamak! Kasihan bercampur terkejut. Kalaulah itu anak kita sendiri..

Tapi dia bukan anak kita. Dia seseorang yang tidak dikenali, tapi disayangi kerana dia juga seorang manusia. Nak tegur? Atau hanya memandang dia atas bawah? Em.. Kalau dia berseorangan lebih mudah ditegur. Kalau berkumpulan? Alamak!

Kalau dia berseorangan mungkin boleh cuba cara ini:

Senyum..

Bagi salam..

Soal.. 'Boleh tahu sekarang pukul berapa ye? Macam pernah jumpa je awak ni kat mana-mana.." (hehe walaupun ini kali pertama kan..)

Tepuk bahunya, atau hulurkan tangan tanda perkenalan..

Sopan-santun.. "Maaf ye.." (banyakkan ucapan maaf, walaupun kita tidak bersalah) kalau boleh saya nak cakap.. emm saya risau tengok ada orang lelaki tadi tenung je awak.. huhu kalau boleh lain kali pakai pakaian yang longgar ye, yang menutup aurat ye.. maaf ye.."

Kalau yang non-Muslim, kita minta dia pakai yang sopan ke.. huhu dia pun (sepatutnya) gembira kalau kita ambil berat.. terutama bila sebut "i risau pula kat you ni..ada lelaki mana entah tadi, dia tenung je you tau.. bimbang juga i ni dibuatnya..hati-hati ye dear.."

Senyum dan berlalu pergi..


Kalau berkumpulan??

Bagi je la handbills.. hehe macam nak promot sesuatu. (Em promoter barangan selalu bagi handbills kan.. biasa je, tak malu pun, kita pun nak malu apa kan? sebar benda baik apa..)

Dalam handbills tu tertulis sedikit nasihat.. apa-apa saja.. cuma jangan bernada kasar, jangan ada ayat al-Qur'an.. huhu maklumlah, bimbang pula dibuang merata-rata kan..

Bila ada yang tanya..

"Buat apa nak susah-susah tegur orang yang tak mahu berubah??" (Aik? Macam mana boleh tahu dia tak mahu berubah? Em, pelik bin ajaib..)

Kita jawab:

"Sebab nak minta maaf pada Tuhan.. hanya ini yang mampu dilakukan, dan semoga mereka bertaqwa kepada-NYA".. Kita hanya menyampaikan, hanya Tuhan yang memberikan kesedaran..


Thursday, September 29, 2011

Tika sudah asyik bercinta..


Maryam kembali membaca emel yang dikirimnya beberapa tahun lepas. Dia tersenyum sendiri. Memori lalu kembali bermain di ingatan.. Emel itu ditatap:
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Semalam ada talk: “Love, heart matters..” kat dewan  lepas isya’ for sisters only. (Siapa nama ustaz penceramah ye?.. he2, lupa namanya..) Tapi ustaz tu ada bacakan hadis berkenaan: ‘the best cure for those who are in love is marriage’ he2 lebih kurang macam ni ustaz cakap.. Maryam pernah dengar juga hadis ni dulu.. tapi bila ustaz tu cakap semalam, entah kenapa rasa macam tertampar pipi sendiri pula :D Tiba-tiba terdetik pula, em hadis sahih ke ni ye?.. jadi Maryam cari dalam maktabah  shamilah, dan jeng-jeng:

- حدثنا محمد بن يحيى . حدثنا سعيد بن سليمان . حدثنا محمد بن مسلم . حدثنا إبراهيم ابن ميسرة عن طاوس عن ابن عباس قال: - قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم: (لم نر ( ير ) للمتحابين مثل النكاح)
 في الزوائد إسناده صحيح ورجاله ثقات
 [ ش ( لم نر للمتحابين مثل النكاح ) لفظ متحابين يحتمل التثنية والجمع ] .
قال الشيخ الألباني : صحيح
أراد: أن أعظم الأدوية التي يعالج بها العشق، النكاح. فهو علاجه الذي لا يعدل عنه لغيره إذا وجد إليه سبيلا ( ه ك عن ابن عباس ) بإسناد صحيح.
ويعبر العشق بالجنون ، والجنون بالعشق

Wah! Hadis sahih rupanya! Masya Allah! He2 patutlah bila ustaz tu sebut hadis ni terus masuk ke hati.. Em, agaknya, kalau dalam bahasa Melayunya he2 ubat kepada sakit “angau” ialah nikah.. عشق ni “angau” kot..he2 entahlah..

Kenapa Maryam cakap pasal ni ye? Em..bila Maryam dah mula seyum memanjang sorang2, gelak sorang2, ulang baca emel Khairi entah berapa kali sehari, taip emel berjam2..simpan sms2 Khairi..tulis dan mengarang sajak entah apa2..buat apa-apa pun asyik teringat Khairi saja.. kalau Maryam terjumpa Khairi, jadi macam tak tentu hala, nak control buat biasa saja, tapi macam semuanya di luar kawalan Maryam (bila Khairi cakap Maryam nampak malu2, muka naik merah..Maryam tak tahupun muka Maryam merah, maklumlah Maryam tak dapat tengok muka sendiri..he2 semua tu berlaku di luar kawalan) he2 macam2 la.. segan nak cerita..(tapi cerita juga :P)  He2 jadinya sahabat-sahabat Maryam cakap, Maryam ni macam dah kena sakit ‘angau’ dan ‘jiwang’ (jiwa melayang kot :D)! (ye ke? he2) Jadi, em macam mana Maryam nak cakap ye.. he2.. Maryam nak suruh Khairi kena segera bertanggungjawablah kalau macam ni.. :P

Cakap pasal tanggungjawab..he2 Maryam ni senang je suruh Khairi kan? kesian pula pada Khairi, yang berat kena pikulnya ialah Khairi.. maklumlah, Khairi yang kena ambil ‘aqad’ nikah daripada abi, aqad yang berat sangat sampai disebut dalam al-Qur’an “ميثاقا غليظا tambah pula tanggungjawab nafqah keluarga & sebagainya.. bila fikir balik, tak sampai hati pula T_T em..kesian pula nak desak-desak Khairi suruh cepat kahwin dengan Maryam (tapi tulis juga :P)..  

Maryam dan keluarga pernah bincang dulu, selepas Khairi datang rumah jumpa abi & umi (he2 cerita di sebalik tabir), ada dua perkara penting yang dibincangkan:

1. Status Maryam

Em, Maryam ni dikira tunangan Khairi atau belum. He2 Maryam kata kat abi & umi, Maryam anggap Maryam ni dah jadi tunang Khairi. Maka orang lain dah tak boleh masuk meminang Maryam.. sebab setahu Maryam, kalau seorang lelaki berjanji untuk menjadikan seorang wanita itu isterinya dan wanita serta keluarga wanita tersebut bersetuju maka dah dikira sebagai tunang.. (em, ye ke? he2 Khairi ada janji nak jadikan Maryam isteri ke.. ke Khairi datang untuk ziarah rumah Maryam saja, em tapi takkan pula datang ziarah rumah Maryam tanpa apa-apa niat untuk kahwin dengan Maryam (huhu ke Maryam je yang salah faham..T_T)

Jadi, semua emel & sms Maryam pada Khairi, Maryam anggap sebagai taaruf kita sebagai tunang.. (tak pernah seumur hidup Maryam, Maryam sms & emel macam ni pada lelaki ajnabi kecuali Khairi..(he2 abi, umi &  abang long serta Nini  &  Lili boleh jadi saksinya,he2 :D )

2. Perbelanjaan perkahwinan

Memandangkan Maryam dan keluarga tak nak susahkan Khairi, majlis tunang tak ada pun tak mengapa, terus datang rombongan untuk kahwin rasanya lebih menjimatkan perbelanjaan Khairi.. lagipun, abi umi kata, tak kisah nak bagi berapa hantaran & mahar, mana yang mudah buat Khairi & setakat yang Khairi mampu je, kalau boleh biar bersederhana, sebab yang paling penting perkahwinan yang berkat, dan perkahwinan itu berkat bila urusannya mudah..tambahan pula, perancangan kewangan selepas kahwin lebih penting berbanding perbelanjaan majlis kahwin yang hanya sehari, kerana perbelanjaan selepas majlis perkahwinan akan berterusan sehingga akhir hayat..

Memandangkan keredhaan ibu bapa amat penting sebab tu dulu abi & umi suruh Maryam sms tanya Khairi yang Khairi dah tunjuk gambar dan tanya abah Khairi ke?.. akhirnya, Khairi sms beritahu yang keluarga Khairi setuju cuma suruh tunggu habis belajar dan ada kerja tetap dulu..tak mengapalah.. Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli hal..kalau begitu kehendak keluarga Khairi, nak buat macam mana kan..redha ibu bapa dan keluarga amat penting bagi sesebuah perkahwinan yang mencari redha Allah swt...he2 jadi Maryam dan keluarga Maryam setia menunggu Khairi sekeluarga sahajalah.. :D (Sebenarnya Maryam tak kisahpun kalau Khairi nak kahwin dengan Maryam sebelum ada kerja tetap, orang kata perkahwinan ni menambahkan keberkatan hidup..harapnya lepas kita kahwin segalanya lebih berkat..amin)

Maaf sangat2 kalau emel Maryam ni menambahkan beban di fikiran Khairi (huhu kesian Khairi kena fikir banyak benda, nak siapkan tesis, buat part-time kat perpustakaan, kat pusat membeli-belah lagi..nak cari kerja tetap lagi..keluarga lagi, macam2 perkara lagi..pastu kena fikir pasal Maryam lagi.. maaf ye..T_T)

Apapun, semoga sakit ‘angau’ dan sakit 'asyik' bercinta ini diberikan kesembuhan oleh-NYA.. Hanya Dia yang mampu memberikan kesembuhan yang hakiki.. Semoga segala yang kita usahakan ini dikira sebagai jihad serta ibadah dalam menuju redha-NYA..AMIN..^_^

اللهم إنا نسألك حبك، وحب من يحبك، وحب عمل يقربنا إلى حبك.
 اللهم اجعل حبك أحب إليّ من نفسي وأهلي ومن الماء البارد.
 اللهم آمين

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Emel itu ditutup. Semalam adalah memori lalu.  Esok adalah misteri yang hanya dalam pengetahuan Ilahi. Hari ini adalah satu kurniaannya, dan Maryam memilih hari ini untuk disyukuri sepenuhnya

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Alkisah anjing pengembala dan anjing liar


Anjing pengembala mengawal gerak-geri kambing biri-biri tuannya dengan penuh dedikasi. Anjing pengembala ingin sentiasa memastikan keselamatan kawanan biri-biri tuannya. Setiap kali ada kambing biri-biri yang ingin keluar daripada kawanan biri-biri lain, pasti anjing pengembala akan memarahinya dan menyalak kuat. 

Setiap kali mendengar salakan anjing si pengembala, pasti kambing biri-biri berasa takut dan kembali dalam kawanannya. Kambing biri-biri cuba bersabar. Walaupun kambing biri-biri teringin untuk bebas berlari dan meragut rumput-rumput hijau di tepi hutan, namun dia terpaksa bersabar dengan meragut rumput di kawasan ladangnya sahaja. Kambing biri-biri bersabar. Bersabar dalam taat! 

Pada suatu hari, tiga ekor anak kambing biri-biri berbincang sesama mereka.
Biri-biri 1: Bosanlah asyik makan di sini sahaja. Jom kita keluar ke tepi hutan.
Biri-biri 2: Betul, betul, betul!
Biri-biri 3: Dengar cerita, anjing pengembala jatuh sakit hari ini. Nampaknya, hari ini sahaja kita berpeluang untuk keluar ke tepi hutan.

Setelah berpakat bersama-sama, tiga ekor anak kambing biri-biri itu secara senyap-senyap keluar daripada ladang tersebut. Mereka berjalan beriringan. Mereka hanya meragut rumput di kawasan berdekatan ladang mereka sahaja. Mereka agak takut kerana tidak pernah keluar jauh daripada ladang. Tiba-tiba seekor anjing liar ternampak mereka daripada pinggir hutan berhampiran ladang tersebut. Anjing liar itu menelan air liurnya melihat ketiga-tiga anak biri-biri tersebut. Anjing liar itu mula berangan, kalaulah dia dapat membaham mereka bertiga, memang sedap! Anjing liar itu sedaya upaya memikirkan cara untuk menjauhkan ketiga-tiga biri-biri itu daripada ladang mereka, sekaligus menarik mereka untuk mendekati kawasan hutan.

Anjing liar: Wah, kamu bertiga ni kenapa duduk jauh sangat? Dekat saya ni, ada lebih banyak rumput hijau yang segar. (Katanya sambil tersenyum manis).
Biri-biri 1: Di sini lebih selamat. Bahaya pergi dekat hutan. Anjing pengembala pesan, bahaya pergi sana. Nanti anjing pengembala marah!
Biri-biri 2: Betul, betul, betul!
Anjing liar: Mana ada bahaya? Lagipun, saya kan ada.. Saya boleh tolong jaga kamu semua. Jangan takut kepada anjing pengembala. Saya akan bela kamu semua daripada dimarahi anjing pengembala yang garang itu. Saya lebih baik daripada anjing pengembala. Lihat, saya tidak pernah marah kamu dan saya sering tersenyum!
Biri-biri 3: Betul ke kamu mahu menjaga keselamatan kami semua?
Anjing liar: Mestilah! Saya janji! (Katanya sambil mengangguk bersungguh-sungguh).

---------------------------------
Seandainya..

Andai kambing biri-biri ini tidak termakan pujukan dan janji manis si anjing liar dan kembali ke dalam ladang.. Ya, andai kambing biri-biri ini taat dan patuh kepada arahan si anjing pengembala yang garang..
Andai kambing biri-biri ini tahu niat jahat yang tersembunyi di sebalik kemanisan kata-kata si anjing liar! Andai kambing biri-biri ini terus bersabar dan mentaati perintah si anjing pengembala.

Ini hanya satu analogi.

Realitinya, apabila si ayah memarahi anak gadis kesayangannya yang tidak mahu menutup aurat, si ayah dianggap garang! Apabila si ayah menghalang anak gadis kesayangannya daripada keluar malam untuk melepak ke pasaraya dan tepi jalan, si ayah dianggap mengongkong! Apabila si ayah memarahi anak gadis kesayangannya apabila mengetahui dia berkawan dengan lelaki jahat, si ayah dianggap kejam! Apabila si ayah melarang anak gadis kesayangannya meletakkan gambar-gambar untuk tanyangan percuma, si ayah dianggap kolot!

Seandainya anak-anak gadis ini mengerti dan memahami.. seandainya anak-anak gadis ini taat beragama, taat mematuhi arahan si ayah yang bertakwa, seandainya anak-anak gadis ini menutup aurat mereka, menjaga kehormatan diri mereka, menjaga batas pergaulan mereka… Seandainya..

Bersabarlah dalam ketaatan kepada-NYA. Andai ada yang sudah tersilap langkah, segeralah kembali ke pangkal jalan. Selagi kematian belum datang, pintu taubat itu sentiasa terbuka.  Andai sudah tersilap pilihan, usahlah terus bersabar dalam kemaksiatan kepada-NYA. Keluarlah daripada belenggu maksiat. Bagaimana kita sanggup untuk bersabar dalam maksiat, sedang kita tidak mahu bersabar dalam taat? Bagaimana kita boleh berputus asa daripada Rahmat, sedang kita tidak mahu berputus asa daripada maksiat? Pilihan itu..adalah pilihan kita. Segeralah kembali, segeralah bertaubat, selagi masih punya hayat!



Thursday, September 22, 2011

Abdullah: Muhasabah bersama


Christine terkejut. Berita bahawa John suami yang dicintainya menemui ajal dalam kemalangan jalan raya ibarat petir yang memanah dirinya. Christine berdiri kaku. Telefon bimbitnya terlepas daripada gengaman, jatuh menghentak lantai marmar di rumahnya..
--------------------------

Hakikat yang diketahui oleh semua manusia..Sama ada Muslim atau non-Muslim. Hakikatnya kita semua pasti mati. Segala kenikmatan, segala kesengsaraan, segala apa yang dimiliki di dunia, pasti akan ditinggalkan, sama ada ketika masih hidup atau pasti kita tinggalkan ketika kita mati. Mati, itu satu episod perjalanan. Perjalanan selepas mati..

Ingat mati agar hati itu hidup

Kematian itu mengingatkan betapa kita ini perlu menyediakan bekal. Kematian itu episod perpindahan alam. Ruh akan terus hidup ke alam seterusnya. Ke mana? Taman syurga atau jurang neraka? Maka, bertuahlah mereka yang menyediakan bekalan untuk hari selepas kematian. Kerana kehidupan selepas mati itu adalah kehidupan yang hakiki. Tiada lagi mati. Tiada lagi ujian. Semuanya keputusan. Semuanya hasil daripada apa yang kita usahakan di dunia. Maka, berbekallah! Dan sebaik-baik bekal adalah taqwa..

Bandingan

Bandingkan manusia yang mengenali Akhirat dan manusia yang hanya mengenali dunia. Bandingkan manusia yang beriman dengan Akhirat dan manusia yang hanya beriman dengan dunia. Berbeza! Jauh berbeza.. Tahukah kita berkenaan akhirat? Berimankah kita dengan Akhirat? Buktikan pengetahuan dan keimanan ini dalam kehidupan dan pada setiap masa, kerana kehidupan ialah masa & masa ialah kehidupan. Lihatlah setiap usaha di dunia dengan pandangan akhirat. Maka, kerana itu, menuntut ilmu itu wajib bagi setiap Muslim. Ilmu yang bercahaya, yang menjadi petunjuk dalam perjalanan kehidupan sementara menuju kehidupan hakiki yang kekal abadi.

Usah bimbang, harta kita tidak banyak, usah bimbang nikmat di dunia ini kurang yang dapat dirasai, usah bimbang tentang semua ini, tapi bimbanglah andai kita terperangkap dalam maksiat..bimbanglah untuk melakukan dosa..

Ilmu yang bercahaya

Maka, ilmu itu perlu melalui 2 peringkat: Peringkat pertama ialah ilmu kepada mengenali Allah dan hari akhirat. Peringkat kedua ialah ilmu kepada manhaj (cara hidup) Islam & arahan yang mesti dipatuhi. Sayangnya, masalah akan bermula apabila kita hanya mengenali peringkat kedua, kita hanya ada ilmu berkenaan arahan, tetapi tidak mengenali siapa yang mengarah. Kita mengetahui kewajipan solat dan cara solat, tapi apabila kita tak mengenali siapa yang menyuruh kita solat, maka pelbagai alasan mula dicari agar kita tidak melakukan solat itu. Begitulah seterusnya..

Syaitan yang licik

Peperangan antara Hak dan Batil. Syaitan tidak pernah berputus asa. Bisikan-bisikan jahat terus diasak. Kadang-kadang kita mula terleka. Tapi bila terdetik kesedaran, segeralah memohon perlindungan Allah.. Mintalah perlindungan daripada Yang Maha Melindungi.. Bermujahadahlah! Berjihadlah! Dunia sementara ini adalah ujian. 

Kita ini Hamba siapa?
 
Ujian ini untuk melihat, kita hamba Tuhan, kita Hamba Allah.. Bukan hamba Nafsu, Bukan Hamba Dunia..kita ini Hamba ALLAH.. Buktikanlah melalui amalan kita ketika kita berseorangan, tika tiada manusia yang melihat, ketika hanya kita berseorangan dengan peluang dan bisikan jahat menerpa mengasak dan memujuk.. Ketahuilah Allah itu Maha Mendengar.. Ucapkanlah, berdoalah dengan tangis air mata.. Aku berlindung dengan Allah yang Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui daripada syaitan yang direjam..
Maka sungguh beruntunglah sesiapa yang menjadi Hamba ALLAH.. Ketenangan akan menerpa.. Kedamaian akan terasa, di sebalik deraian air mata keinsafan.. Kita hamba Allah, dan bersyukurlah atas nikmat Iman & Islam.. Alhamdulillah.. kerana kita ini 'Abdullah!

ALHAMDULILLAH

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Bunga Cinta

Cinta
Bila dibaja
Berbunga
Tanpa baja
ia sirna
layu tanpa bunga..

Bunga cinta
tumbuh dan gugur berkala
bermusim dalam jiwa
duka lara
gembira suka
lebih membawa makna..

Bunga cinta
semoga suburlah ia
menghasilkan buahnya
yang bermanfaat kepada semua..

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Nota Hati Dinda Buat Kanda

Arina tersenyum. Langit membiru di jendela pejabatnya itu menambahkan ketenangan di hati. Dia kembali mengadap laptop. Taipannya dimulakan dengan basmallah.. Dengan Nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang..



Nota hati dinda buat kanda

Kanda,
Nota hati ini dinda patrikan di sini, agar kekal manisnya rasa, mekar indahnya bunga-bunga cinta, terpatri janji dinda buat kanda. Dinda catatkan memori indah, dinda kuiskan memori gundah kita bersama. Biar yang buruk itu sirna tenggelam dimamah usia. Biar yang baik-baik itu kekal indah dalam nota berupa tulisan di alam maya. Ya, tulisan itu satu kata-kata hidup yang kekal walaupun setelah kematian si penulis. Maka, terimalah kanda, nota hati dinda..

Kanda,
Masih kekal di ingatan dinda, saat bermulanya detik nama kanda disebut-sebut dinda. Di bulan Ramadhan yang mulia, kanda merisik dinda menggunakan orang tengah. Kala sahabat dinda menceritakan perihal kanda, hati dinda berbunga mekar... Bagaimana tidak, akhirnya diri ini ada yang ingin menyuntingnya.. Tahukah kanda, selepas itu dinda bertungkus-lumus mengumpulkan maklumat berkenaan kanda? Kerana sebagaimana kanda tidak mengenali dinda, begitu jugalah dinda tidak pernah mengenali kanda secara dekat, walau kita pernah bertemu mata dalam program anjuran university tercinta.
Satu sebab penting daripada pihak kanda, terpaksa menghalang risikan pertama untuk menjadi nyata. Risikan tersebut kanda tarik semula dengan alasan yang  dinda terima dengan redha.
Namun setelah beberapa ketika, setelah berlalunya beberapa purnama, setiap kali dinda hadir di program bersama kanda, ada usikan-usikan nakal sahabat-sahabat kanda berkenaan dinda. Entah mengapa, dinda rasa bagai cerita antara kita diketahui semua. Para sahabat kanda dan para sahabat dinda cuba menyatukan kita dengan pelbagai cara. Dinda cuba mengelakkannya atas rasa malu yang mula menebal dalam diri. Sesungguhnya, setiap kali dinda melihat kanda, hati dinda tidak keruan, terus ingin melarikan diri dan rasa pilu dan hiba mencengkam dada setiap kali dinda teringatkan risikan kanda yang terpaksa dibatalkan sahaja.
Namun...
Syukur yang tidak terhingga dinda panjatkan kepada Ilahi. Kanda akhirnya datang ke rumah dinda bertemu ayah bonda. Siapa sangka, sebab yang menghalang risikan kali pertama itu dihilangkan oleh yang Maha Esa tanpa sebarang noda. Akhirnya, kita membina rumah tangga bahagia.

Kanda,
Sesungguhnya dinda bahagia di samping kanda. Status dinda di kalangan masyarakat dunia mungkin kelihatan tinggi berbanding status kanda.. Namun, yakinlah, status kanda pada pandangan dinda itu sering yang tertinggi selepas Allah dan Rasul-NYA. Dinda kagumi kemuliaan budi kanda. Betapa kanda tidak pernah ego terhadap dinda. Tidak pernah kanda ungkit kekurangan dinda. Kanda terima dinda seadanya. Kanda laksanakan tanggungjawab kanda sebaiknya. Kanda restui kerjaya dinda. Kanda sokong dinda sepenuhnya. Kanda tawarkan bantuan sedaya yang kanda mampu. Dinda bahagia bersama kanda. Bahagiakah kanda di samping dinda? Dinda redha dengan segala yang diberikan kanda, redhakah kanda akan dinda? Maafkan dinda, kesibukan dinda kadang-kadang menghalang dinda melaksanakan tanggungjawab dinda sebaiknya. Maafkan dinda.. Redhailah dinda..

Kanda,
Tika ini dinda tersenyum. Ya, dan dinda ingin melakarkan senyuman bahagia ini di sini. Setiap kali dinda bertanya; Kanda redha pada dinda tak? Pasti kanda akan menarik dinda dalam pelukan kanda, hingga mampu dinda dengari dengan jelas degupan jantung kanda. Kanda cium dahi dinda penuh kasih. Kanda bisikkan; kanda redha.. berkali-kali.. dan dinda pasti tersenyum sambil mengalirkan air mata terharu, penuh cinta..
Kanda,
Sesungguhnya dinda pasti bahagia bila melihat kanda bahagia, sebagaimana dinda yakin, betapa kanda bahagia dengan bahagianya dinda. Kanda, andai kehadiran isteri kedua itu dapat lebih membahagiakan kanda, maka dinda akan turut bahagia menyambutnya.. Sesungguhnya, sepanjang rumah tangga kita, tidak ada satupun yang dinda rasakan kurang daripada pihak kanda, cuma dinda rasa dinda inilah yang sering kurang dalam melaksanakan tanggungjawab dinda terhadap kanda. Maafkan dinda.. Dinda turut menyimpan segunung harapan buat bakal madu dinda, agar dengan kehadirannya, tanggungjawab dinda terhadap kanda semakin ringan dengan perkongsian tanggungjawab yang bakal kami usahakan bersama.. Sesungguhnya, dinda meletakkan keyakinan yang tinggi terhadap kanda.. Kanda usahlah risau akan dinda.. Poligami tidak pernah dinda benci sebagaimana dinda tidak pernah membenci monogamy..

Kanda,
Dinda berjanji kepada kanda, akan terus setia menyintai kanda. Percayalah kanda, tawaran poligami yang dinda berikan ini, tidak langsung menunjukkan bahawa cinta dinda kepada kanda sudah berkurangan. Dinda mencintai kanda, amat-amat mencintai kanda. Cemburu dinda tidak membutakan dinda daripada melihat betapa dinda banyak mengabaikan tanggunjawab dinda pada kanda. Dinda rasa bersalah terhadap kanda. Betapa dinda menangis sendiri melihat lelahnya kanda menguruskan anak-anak kita yang masih kecil. Walau kanda sering menafikan kelelahan kanda.. Sesungguhnya dinda menyedari... Walaupun kanda dengan tulus meredhai kesibukan dinda, namun jauh di hati dinda, dinda masih terasa berat dan hiba kerana terpaksa menyusahkan kanda sebegini rupa.. Maka, sambutlah kanda, tawaran dinda ini dengan lapang hati..

Kanda,
Dinda masih ingat, kala tawaran ini dinda suarakan kepada kanda. Mahukah kanda mencari isteri kedua? atau mahukah kanda dinda yang mencarikannya? Kanda hanya tersenyum, dan dinda masih ingat senyuman kanda itu. Senyuman itu, senyuman yang menggambarkan betapa beratnya kanda untuk menjawabnya. Senyuman terpaksa. Terus tajuk perbualan itu kanda larikan kepada tajuk yang lain. Dinda menyedari bahawa kanda tidak suka membincangkan soal poligami. Kelu lidah dinda untuk berbincang berkenaan soal ini lagi bersama kanda.. Maka, antara sebab itulah, dinda mencoretkan nota hati ini, agar dinda dapat menulisnya dengan lancar dan kanda juga dapat membacanya dengan hati yang tenang..

Kanda,
Tahukah kanda? Dinda amat bangga dikurniakan kanda sebagai suami. Kanda amat ingin menjaga hati dinda. Kala dinda menangis, kanda memujuk dinda. Kala dinda kesakitan, kehadiran kanda meredakannya.. Dinda tahu, kanda berat untuk berpoligami kerana tidak mahu melukakan hati dinda. Tapi tahukah kanda, hati dinda lebih terluka dan disayat hiba bila terpaksa meninggalkan kanda sendirian bersama anak-anak tercinta, sedang dinda kesibukan menguruskan tanggungjawab dinda di luar sana atas sebab kontrak kerja yang mengikat dinda..

Kanda,
Tahukah kanda? Pernah dulu dinda menyangka bahawa tiada sesiapa yang sudi mengambil dinda sebagai isteri. Dalam kesibukan, dinda tetap ingin berkahwin walaupun dinda tahu, dinda tidak mampu menunaikan tanggungjawab dinda sebagai isteri sebaik mungkin, dan rahim yang ada ini, menjadikan fitrah ingin melahirkan itu begitu tinggi..dan dinda merindukan syahid dalam melaluinya..Kerana itu, sebelum kanda merisik dinda, dinda tidak pernah membayangkan bahawa dinda akan menjadi isteri pertama. Sebelumnya, dinda hanya menawarkan diri menjadi isteri kedua atau ketiga atau keempat.. Namun, Tuhan menghadirkan kanda, rupa-rupanya dinda ditakdirkan menjadi isteri pertama.. Alhamdulillah..Segala puji itu hanya milik Allah..

Kanda,
Tahukah kanda? Impian dinda berumah tangga, adalah untuk berjihad di jalan-NYA. Andai jihad utama lelaki itu di medan perang, maka jihad utama isteri adalah di medan melahirkan. Sebagaimana lelaki merindui syahid, dinda juga merindui syahid. Syahid ketika melahirkan zuriat anak-anak kebanggaan Ummat dan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w...

Kanda,
Andai dinda pergi dahulu daripada dunia ini, dinda berasa tenang kerana sudah mengenali madu dinda yang baik budi, yang sudi mengambil tempat dinda untuk menjaga kanda & anak-anak kita.. Sesungguhnya, dinda sudah amat bersyukur kerana ditakdirkan menjadi isteri pertama kanda.. Semoga yang kedua nanti, jauh lebih baik berbanding dinda.. Ameen.. Namun, dinda tidak berniat untuk memaksa kanda.. Maafkan dinda kalau kanda terasa bagai didesak. Ini cuma nota hati dinda buat kanda. Tawaran ini dinda buka seluasnya buat kanda.. Terpulang kanda untuk memilihnya..

Kanda,
Dinda mencintai kanda, semoga cinta kita ini kekal hingga ke syurga.. untuk itu, maka dinda amat mengharapkan redha kanda buat dinda.. Maafkan dinda atas nota hati ini.. Kanda redha pada dinda tak?
  
 --------------------

Arina kembali tersenyum dengan air mata berlinangan. Dia lebih tenang begini..



Saturday, September 17, 2011

Divorce or Polygamy: An Argumentative Study


Abstract

More and more Muslim wives in Malaysia nowadays are asking for divorce out of emotional reason for hating polygamy. It is hotly debated when a husband married another woman, should a wife ask for divorce or accept polygamy. Therefore, the purpose of this paper is to argue the harms of divorce based only on the emotional reason by providing arguments which argue that to stay in a polygamous marriage is indeed better than asking for divorce out of emotional reason. The method used for this research is a library research by referring to the books, journals, and thesises. The result of this study shows that the wives who ask for divorce based only on the emotional reason would definitely face greater problems after divorce compared to the problems faced in a polygamous marriage. This paper stressed on the importance of strengthening the family institution and preserving the rights of women and families fairly and impartially without discrimination element.

Keywords:

Divorce, polygamy, argumentative.


Preface

Islam deals clearly with both issues; polygamy and divorce and provides certain legal requirements. For polygamy, Islam has regulated this practice only for men (which in its specific term is known as ‘polygyny’), limited it to only four, and insisted equal rights and status for all wives. On the other hand, although divorce is being allowed in Islam; as a sign of the lenience and practical nature of the Islamic legal system, to keep the unity of the family is considered a priority. For this reason, divorce is always the last choice, after exhausting all possible means of reconciliation (Umm Abdur Rahman Hirschfelder and Umm Yasmeen Rahmaan, 2003).
Since there are two types of women in facing polygamy; the first type is those who can bear her jealousy in a polygamous marriage and the second type is those who cannot bear her jealousy in a polygamous marriage and prefer to ask for divorce; Islam gives freedom for both types to choose what is better for them. In Islam it is permissible for a wife to ask for divorce in order to protect herself from jealousy as what the Prophet -s.a.w.- said regarding her daughter Fatimah -r.a.- and her son-in-law Ali -r.a.-. He said: “Indeed, Bani Hashim ibn al-Mughirah asked my permission to marry their daughter with Ali ibn Abi Thalib, so I do not give permission for them, I do not give permission for them, I do not give permission for them, unless ibn Abi Thalib love to divorce my daughter and marry their daughter, because my daughter is a portion of me, harm me what is harmful for her, and hurt me what is hurtful for her” and in another narration: “Indeed, I do not make what is illegal (haram), permissible (halal), and I do not make what is permissible (halal), illegal (haram). However, by the name of Allah, a daughter of the Messenger of Allah and the daughter of the enemy of Allah will never be together.” Therefore, Ali r.a. was faithfully being monogamous to Fatimah r.a. until she passed away. Imam an-Nawawi while explaining this Prophetic tradition said that among the reason why the Prophet said like this is due to his sympathy upon his daughter’s jealousy (An-Nawawi, 1929). It is crystal clear that to ask for divorce out of emotional reason is permissible, and this is never due to the fact that polygamy is illegal in Islam.  
However, some Feminists are now mistakenly exclaiming to the whole world that polygamy is actually illegal in Islam (Tita Marlita, 1997). According to Amira Masshour (2005) that by restricting polygamy to only four wives, Islam wants to introduce a gradual change as in the case of the prohibition of alcohol and slavery, because female slavery is now illegal, the practice of polygamy should similarly be found illegal. In addition, some Muslims strongly believe that a husband must not practice polygamy without any exceptional conditions. These exceptional conditions are such as when the number of women exceeds greatly the number of men during the wartime or in cases where a husband did not have children from the  wife (A. D. Ajijola, 2002).
Then, does a husband can only practice polygamy when there is an exceptional condition? This question has been answered by Dr. Muhammad al-Ahmadi Abu an-Nur, by saying that it is permissible for husbands to marry another woman although without any exceptional conditions such as war or the wife’s sickness. As if polygamy cannot be practiced unless with the exceptional conditions, then the Prophet –peace be upon him- would order the Companions to marry only one except for those who have problems with the  wives (Azmi bin Ahmad, 2003).
Unfortunately, as a result from the views of Feminists and others who detest polygamy, there is a very serious issue in Malaysia where more and more wives are asking for divorce out of emotional reason for not wanting polygamy, although the husbands are good towards the wives. Although most Muslim wives in Malaysia still believe that polygamy is legal but in the same time they believe that asking for divorce is better than to live in a polygamous marriage. For that case, it is very important to discuss what should the wife in Malaysia do if her husband wants to marry another woman. As polygamy will absolutely cause emotional problems, should the wife ask for divorce? Is it a right decision to ask for divorce and to end a happy relationship just to satisfy her emotion? Or should she accept polygamy and strive to overcome her emotional problems? Although some would absolutely disagree, it is strongly believed that polygamy is indeed better for the wife than to get divorced because in contrast with divorce, by polygamy she could strengthen the family institution towards improving social welfare and preserving the rights of women and families fairly and impartially without discrimination element.




Polygamy causes emotional disturbances

Yet, the opponents of this stance have sharply argued that polygamy will lead to divorce in many cases in Malaysia where husbands have to divorce their wives for being rebellious and having negative attitudes. As according to research, more women use violence to retaliate for being emotionally hurt by their partners (Swan, S. C., Gambone, L. J., Caldwell, J. E., Sullivan, T. P., & Snow D. L, 2008). Therefore, most Malay women nowadays prefer to ask divorce than to live in a polygamous marriage which will lead to divorce sooner or later.
Furthermore, the opponents claim that polygamy is only permissible in certain societies where polygamy is widely predominant (Amira Masshour, 2005). Since polygamy in Malaysia nowadays is not widespread, then living in a polygamous marriage would cause great emotional disturbances to the wives which are greater than what had been faced by Muslim women in the past. Among these emotional problems are; low self-esteem, depression, and psychological distress (Tita Marlita, 1997).
Although Muslim wives are encouraged to make a success of a polygamous marriage, in a reality, it is very unrealistic for many women to accept other women happiness by sharing a husband (Tita Marlita, 1997). As indeed imagining the husband emotional involvement with the rival is absolutely distressing to them (Cramer, R.E., Lipinski, R.E., Meteer, J.D., & Houska, J.A., 2008). Thus, the opponents suggest that it is definitely better for the wife to ask for divorce and get herself free from these emotional disturbances.

Divorce causes greater emotional disturbances

However, by asking for divorce could the wife live happily after that separation? Could she definitely get herself free from emotional disturbances after losing her husband in order to satisfy her emotions? According to Nehami Baum (2007), women who initiate divorce would absolutely suffer from separation guilt. This is because; the initiator for divorce is the main factor for both of the spouses to lose their partner, their intact family, and their familiar routines, and both of them have to struggle to build a new life for themselves and new relationship. Nehami Baum (2007) has stated that: “Studies comparing the emotional process undergone by initiators and non-initiators repeatedly observe that while non-initiators tend to have strong feeling of rejection, initiators tend to have strong feelings of guilt” (p. 48).
Moreover, as there are three parties to an Islamic marriage; the husband, the wife, and Allah who is their witness, hence, both the husband and wife should help one another to live as good Muslims (Taiwo Hanbal Abdul Rahim, 1997). Then, to get divorced will only lead her to greater emotional problems which are grudge, separation guilt and grief. Therefore, it is better for the wife to stay patiently in a polygamous marriage where she is actually trying to accept her husband to protect the interests of her own sisters in Islam, which is in line with the vision, mission, goal, objectives and strategies of Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development (http://www.kpwkm.gov.my), polygamy could be considered as an effective support system to the single mothers and unmarried women to ensure their survival, protection and advancement.
According to Niaz A. Shah (2006), polygamy in Islam is actually a system to protect the basic human rights of women, as according to him, “monogamy becomes repugnant to the basic human rights of women because there are more women eligible for marriage than there are available men” (p. 891). Moreover, Maryam Jameelah a Jewish American lady who embraced Islam said as what has been quoted by Abdur Rahman I. Doi, (1983):  
Polygamy is allowed in Islam because all sexual relations outside of marriage are absolutely prohibited…Therefore, a man (who) cannot be satisfied with a single wife, if he insist on relationship with another woman, he must marry her, undertakes her full support and full paternal responsibility in respect of the children of all his wives. As a matter of fact, man is polygamous by instinct (p. 153). 
            We as women must try to manage our own emotions by having positive thinking. For example, a wife can have the ideas that by accepting polygamy his beloved husband will love her more, she can have more time for active and effective participation in national development as her responsibilities as a wife are shared by other wives, and she can also appreciate her time more and have more quality time with her husband. It is very crucial to state here that the inner peace must come from within not through external means. This is because it is not always possible to change external conditions, but as women we certainly can change our inner attitude and learn to stop allowing outside influences affect our moods. Inner peace is attainable here and now, wherever we are (Remez Sasson, n.d.).
            In brief, it is crystal clear that a life after divorce will lead to the greater emotional problems to the wives which are grudge, separation guilt and grief. While by patiently accepting polygamy and managing the emotions, the wives could strengthen the family institutions and improve social welfares. Moreover, by accepting polygamy in order to attain Allah’s pleasure, a wife could attain inner peace and tranquillity. Therefore, the wives must believe that everything happens including polygamy is as a test to her sincerity, wisdom, self discipline, and patience, and then strive to pass the test with flying colours. Allah s.w.t. has promised in the Holy Qur’an to reward those who face difficulties in order to seek His pleasure, He said in Surah al-Imran, verse 195:
Their God responded to them: I never fail to reward any worker among you for any work you do, be you male or female, you are equal to one another. Thus, those who immigrate, and get evicted from their homes, and are hurt because of Me, and fight and get killed, I will surely remit their sins and admit them into gardens with flowing streams, such is the reward from Allah, and Allah possesses the ultimate reward.

Polygamy causes chaos in a family

            Still, the opponents argue that polygamy will lead to the chaos in a family, as husbands are incapable to be just towards their wives. As according to the Holy Qur’an, Surah 4, verse 129: “You will never able to be fair and just between wives, even if you really want to, but do not turn away from a wife altogether so as to leave her hanging in the air”. This verse clearly indicates the nature of men who would never be able to do justice among the wives, so, polygamy appears to be the exception, while monogamy is the rule (Amira Masshour, 2005).
            Therefore, the opponents suggest that it is better for a woman to sign an agreement with a man before marrying him, promising that he will be monogamous, and if he broke the agreement then she must be divorced, as divorce is far better than to live in an inharmonious home (Tita Marlita, 1997). They believe that in a polygamous marriage the wife is always haunted with fears of no longer being the sole queen of the household, fears of being disregarded and displaced, and jealousy towards the new wife, while the new wife would badly treat her, poisoning the husband’s mind to divorce the wife, persuading her husband to provide for her or her children what he does not provide to the wife (Taiwo 1997). These awful situations definitely affect the whole family especially the children negatively. Thus, to get divorced is better than to live in this disastrous family, as to end an unhappy marriage does not mean it is the end of the world, for the  wife could still develop her personality and form a new happy family after the divorce (Avidan, Yahia, Greenbaum, 2009).

Divorce causes greater chaos in the whole families

            However, could the wife really build a new happy family after the divorce? And could her children accept her decision? What will happen to her family? According to Amato (2008), divorce is a very great shift for the whole family members that lead to crisis and stress, and could cause conduct disorders, emotional disturbances, difficulties with social relationship, and academic failure among children. Moreover, the children would have a very negative perception to the parents and would be neglected; as both their father and mother will marry another person and have new children. They will view both of their parents as lacking of responsibility that only focus on their own needs, and they will remain critical and deal with a lot of pain and blame (Avidan, Yahia, Greenbaum, 2009). The whole family members will keep grudge and hatred, and blame one another for the destruction of the family. In the worst condition the husband would prefer to choose relationships out of a wed-lock that will definitely destroy family institutions and social welfares altogether (Azmi bin Ahmad, 2003). Thus, the life after divorce may lead to the greater chaos in the whole family members.
As a matter of fact, Sister Aisha Lemu who is married to a polygamous husband has argued that, although polygamy might hurt the wife emotionally, but in the same time it could help to overcome the problem of countless women left without husbands. She said as what has been quoted by Abdur Rahman I. Doi, (1983): 
One may observe that, although it has been abused in some times and some places, polygamy has under some circumstances a valuable function, in some situations it may be considered as the lesser of two evils and in other situations it may even be a positively beneficial arrangement (p. 153).
Hence, in order to make a success of a polygamous marriage, the husband must equip himself with strong Islamic knowledge and belief. He must do his best to be just in what he could control which includes the ability in maintaining and providing material needs, and also in dividing his time and attention towards his wives, so that the  wife would feel secured from any misplaced of her rights, as according to Pelusi (2006), “harmful jealousy is a measure not of love but of insecurity” (p. 65). While what has stated in the Holy Qur’an, Surah 4, verse 129, about the incapability of a husband to be just, is mainly about the just of love, as in Islam a husband must be just in what he can control, not in what is out of his control (Azmi bin Ahmad, 2003). Next, the wives must also be equipped with adequate Islamic knowledge and belief, so that they would have sisterly or motherly relationship, and strive to ensure happiness and peace in the whole family, and minimize any problems that might occur.
Whereas, the chaos that occurs in a polygamous marriage is actually a result of those who do not have piety and enough knowledge on how Islam sees polygamy. Therefore, most failures of the polygamous marriages happen in the families with weak Islamic knowledge, where there are members in the families who trespass others’ rights (Azmi bin Ahmad, 2003). In contrast, it is strongly believed that the family with strong Islamic knowledge and belief, Insya Allah could build a happy polygamous marriage, as the husband and wives; all of them would consider polygamy as a way to seek the pleasure of Allah s.w.t. Thus, it is better for children to live in a polygamous marriage where no divorce happens, as according to Shir, a girl who faced parental divorce, “Today I think that…my parent could have succeeded in living together…a child needs a home. She needs two parents at home in the evening…they needed to separate, but it hurt us…there is a price” (Avidan, Yahia, Greenbaum, 2009, p. 38). Therefore, it is better for the wife to let her husband to build another happy family than to ask for divorce, as the effects of divorce are definitely worse than the effects of polygamy.

Conclusion

In conclusion, as a Muslim wife who is granted by Allah s.w.t. with a good Muslim husband, she should really think deeply before asking for divorce. Is it a right move to give up a precious relationship and to leave a happy family just for the sake of emotional satisfaction? Could she really build another happy life after the divorce? Indeed, the happiness and peace is a gift from Allah s.w.t. alone. Moreover, life is not a bed of roses but it is indeed a test for humankind as what has been said in the Holy Qur’an: “He is the One who has created death and life to test you, which of you would do the best (in order to seek His pleasure)…” (al-Mulk, verse 2). If a wife could strive to stay in a polygamous marriage, she might be happier than before when she was staying in a monogamous marriage, as in a polygamous marriage, a wife would appreciate every moment that she has with her husband. Furthermore, she would have more time to spend for social works and welfares outside home, as her duties as a wife are shared by another wife or other wives. A blessed family where no divorce happen, with a new member comes to the family, for the  wife to accept another woman in her life, as her own sister and friend, this is indeed a real happiness, a happier life than a life after divorce, another new strange life, alone, full of hatred and blame. Thus, for the wife to strive in polygamous marriage together with the beloved husband and children is indeed better than to strive in building a new separate life after divorce.
It is very important to exclaim that this paper is neither encouraging polygamy nor denying the permissibility to ask for divorce in order to avoid polygamy. Rather, this paper is trying to open up our mind by weighing the harms of both divorce and polygamy. After that, based on this study, this paper is giving a humble suggestion that to live in a polygamous marriage is better than to live a life after divorce. However, it is undeniable that the suggestion and the weight of harms will differ based on different places, persons, cases, and situations.  
Last but not least, a few suggestions are listed below:
1. Correct and accurate information about polygamy and divorce in Islam should be properly presented to all Malaysians.
2. Training and guidance on emotions’ managements should be stressed in the to encourage men and women to control their emotions wisely and justly.
3. Training and guidance on responsibilities awareness should be stressed especially to the husbands in order for them to manage their responsibilities justly whether in a monogamous or polygamous marriage.
4. Awareness campaign on the danger of any relationship out of a wed-lock as it will create animalistic and barbarism characteristic of both men and women which will damage the rights of women to be respected as a wife and this will definitely destroy family institutions and social welfares. 
5. The importance of God-fearing and responsibility awareness must be stressed in all aspects of life. 


References


Abdur Rahman I. Doi. (1983). Woman in shari’ah (Islamic law).
A.D. Ajijola. (2002). The Concept of Family in Islam. New Delhi: Adam Publisher & Distributors.
Amato, P.R. & Cheadle J.E. (2008). Parental divorce, marital conflict and children’s behavior problems: a comparison of adopted and biological children. Social forces (86) 2008, 1139-1161.  
Amira Masshour. (2005). Islamic law and gender equality – Could there be a common ground? A study of divorce and polygamy in Sharia law and  contemporary legislation in Tunisia and Egypt. Human rights quarterly (27) 2005, 562-596.
An-Nawawi, Abu Zakaria Mohiuddin Yahya Ibn Sharaf. (1929). Sharh an-Nawawi ‘ala Muslim. al-Mathba’ah al-Mishriyyah bi al-Azhar.

Avidan, D.E., Yahia M.M.H., & Greenbaum C.W. (2009). Divorce is a part of my  life… reseliance, survival, and vulnerability. Journal of marital and family  therapy (35) 2009, 30-46.
Azmi bin Ahmad. (2003). Ta’addud al-Zawjat fi Maliziya. A thesis for the degree of Master Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Heritage. Kuala Lumpur: International   Islamic University Malaysia.
Cramer, R.E., Lipinski, R.E., Meteer, J.D., and Houska, J.A. (2008). Sex  differences in subjective distress to unfaithfulness: testing competing evolutionary and violation of infidelity expectation hypotheses. The journal of social psychology (148) 2008, 389-405.
Nehami Baum. (2005). “Separation guilt” in women who initiate divorce. Clinical  social work journal (35) 2007, 47-55. doi: 10.1007/s10615-006-0053-5
Niaz A. Shah. (2006). Women’s human rights in the Koran: an interpretive approach. Human rights quarterly (28) 2006, 868-903.
Remez Sasson. (n.d.). Peace of mind in daily life. http://www.successconsciousness.com/free_ebooks/peace-one-chapter.pdf. Retrieved on 7 June 2011.
Swan, S. C., Gambone, L. J., Caldwell, J. E., Sullivan, T. P., & Snow D. L. (2008). A review of research on women’s use of violence with male intimate partners. Violence and victims (23) 2008, 301-314. doi: 10.1891/0886- 6708.23.3.301
Tita Marlita. (1997). Ways of knowing:   Islamic customs of polygamy, veiling,  and seclusion in the autobiographical writings of Huda Shaarawi and Kartini. A thesis for the degree of Master in Women’s studies. Newfoundland: Memorial University of Newfoundland.
Umm Abdur Rahman Hirschfelder and Umm Yasmeen Rahmaan. (2003). From monogamy to polygyny: A way through. 1st edition. Darussalam.